What Women Want [Part1]

October 2, 2006

Friday at work, a major bureaucratic decision was made without regard for what’s right and wrong. I fumed about it all day and was still burning with anger over it when I got home from work. Like anyone carrying around the weight of anger, I needed to vent. So I did. However, instead of getting relief through the release of anger, I became angrier. Both of the people I talked to did not understand the principle of venting (even though I have explained it to both) and they immediately tried to tell me what I should and should not do regarding the situation. Bad move. That is not what a woman wants when she needs to vent.

For all of you guys out there, here is a little secret about women; when women want to vent, they need to vent. They are not looking for excuses or explanations or advice or to be told what they should do. Instead, they are simply looking for someone who will listen to them while they release the weight they have been carrying around (or at least pretend to listen to them well enough that it seems like you guys are actually listening).

The whole point of venting is to vent, and a woman does not want your advice while she is venting. Do not interrupt her to criticize what she is criticizing or to tell her what she should do about it. She already has a good idea of what her options are. She already knows things are crappy. She just needs to release her emotions so she can move forward without most of the anger regarding it.

It seems to be a natural instinct for guys to try to tell a woman what she needs to do to fix a problem if she tries to vent. But beware. When a woman is venting, that is the LAST thing she wants to hear. If a woman wants your advice, she will ask for it. Otherwise, it is simply a discerning ear. When guys learn that, they are a step closer to learning how to understand a woman.