The Inner Child (critic)

I wrote this blog back in early October while I was at the writing conference in Eureka Springs, but things in my life got crazy about then and I didn't get around to pulling the file off my laptop and posting it til now. This is for all of the creative people out there and explains a lot about why we are the way we are. I know I for one never think my writing is good enough and this helps explain why us creative folk feel that way. :-)

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I just got out of a session with Phillip Finch and it really spoke to me and I think his talk would have significance for any writer or anyone creative for that matter. He said that as writers, we struggle the most with our inner critic. I have heard talk of the “inner critic” before, but Phillip’s talk explained it with such clarity and really hit home on almost every single point he brought up.

The inner critic is the little voice inside that constantly criticizes our writing, telling us that it is not good enough; that we are not good enough; that there are more important things to do; that we don’t feel like writing; that we aren’t good writers and can’t write and any success we do find was just luck and not something we could ever do again; and making us find reasons to procrastinate.

Phillip explained it as the “inner child”; a subconscious part of ourselves that has internalized the lessons we have learned and builds them up into these enormous fears. It works based on symbolic imagery like the mind of a child; and like how a child can take two unrelated things and connect them into a monstrous misunderstanding; our inner critic does this. It only intends to protect us from potential pain/harm/misery.

If we write a successful novel; that is wonderful for us and what we want on a conscious level; but our subconscious is afraid of it; afraid of failure; afraid of the change that comes with success. To a child change and challenges are scary and dangerous and a person could get hurt and the inner critic tries to prevent you from writing to protect you from the possible pain that might result from it.

Phillip Finch tells it so much better than I do (see my inner critic is taking over- and I have found my own inner critic to be very very strong…); but his argument really does make a lot of sense and explains why writing can be so very hard for most of us (yet very young people with less experience and less worries in life tend to have a less active inner critic because of they have not experienced everything an older person may have to build up negative associations and internalizing lessons that could subconsciously be applied to writing.

So how do those of us with a loud inner critic get past that? Phillip wrote a best-selling novel with all the perks that every author dreams about, but he didn’t write another book for 12 years because of his inner critic. How did he overcome it? It’s an everyday struggle, but according to Phillip, GOOD HABITS are stronger than even the strongest inner critic. If you get in the habit of writing for a certain time period every single day, it is an enormous step towards fighting the inner critic.

As writers most of us do not feel alive and fulfilled unless we are writing on whatever we consider to be our niche (same for any other create person; artist; singer; etc). Without our art of choice; we cannot fail, but we will never succeed. To combat our inner critic, we have to make a conscious choice, “I will write today.” And we may have to ask (rhetorically) this several times a day until we finally make ourselves sit down and write.

So to beat the inner critic, we have to make writing a habit and make a conscious decision to write that day; even if it is just a word; or even a sentence. And when stuck for ideas; daydreaming can work wonders. When you let your conscious mind wander and visit the realm of imagination encompassed in your subconscious; that inner child which thwarts you will become your best friend and can give you some of your best writing material. And according to Phillip Finch, the power of suggestion also carries a lot of weight with your subconscious. If you are told you can’t do something; your subconscious will make you believe you can’t; but if you take some time to daydream about the good/the final goal/dream/accomplishment you will get from your writing; that may help your inner child to release some of the restraints and give you more motivation to write toward your dreams.

Phillip Finch really tells it better than I do; and if you ever get the chance to hear him speak, you definitely should. His talk really gets to the heart of what pretty much every writer struggles with and is inspirational because it shows us that we are all like this and we all have pretty much the same problems as writers; but we can overcome them!

Life is Like the Sims

Sometimes I think life is like the Sims. We each have little bars that go up and down as time passes and things happen in our lives. Happiness meters. Hunger meters. Hug meters.

I think I feel the "meter-effect" most with my hug meter. My hug meter is often very low. I love getting hugs from people I care about, but hardly ever get any these days, so my hug meter is almost always near empty. Different people can refill the meter at different rates. The more a hug means, the more energy is replaced in the hug meter. Unwanted hugs can reduce the level of the hug meter or count very very little to refilling it. Longer hugs, obviously, add more to the hug meter; while shorter and one-armed hugs add less towards refilling a person's hug meter.

And sometimes other happy emotions can help refill the hug meter; without actual hugs. Last night I had a dream about a hug, and it refilled my hug meter significantly more than any hug I've gotten in a long time. Funny, that. ^__^

Stories and Paths

Have you as a writer ever had a story to tell a certain person- a very important story that would mean something to them- but you didn't know how to tell it? And it was tearing you apart not being able to find the right time and the right words to share your story?

Life is full of strange coincidences and some not-quite-so-coincidental connections that can move us forward in a direction completely different than if we had never made that connection.

It's the Journey to Get There

So, we are writers. Or we try to convince ourselves we are writers; all the while trying to convince ourselves to write more/better. And for all the struggle and troubles, only a few half-decent words leak their way onto a page. While someone with no interest in "becoming a writer" can easily jot down pages and pages. Life itself seems to be set against writers. The older I get, the more "distractions" I have in life and the less time I have to write. Sometimes it really is such a struggle that I wonder why I do it.

But I also wonder... perhaps being a writer is partly the struggle, and to struggle to write is more of what makes us writers and unites us a writers than anything else.

It was an interesting thought- that the struggle itself is who we are (writers). It defines us. Like the saying goes, it's not the destination, but the journey...

What do you think?

Dreams

June is definitely the month for vacations. Every year every single person I know is always incredibly busy with summer activities. This year, I was caught right in the middle of it and basically had 3 houseguests whose visits all overlapped a little. It was crazy, but it was fun, and now that everyone is gone the apartment feels a bit empty and I am not quite sure what to do with myself.

The down side of the visits was that I was too busy entertaining guests to find the time to write, and have barely written anything all month. But it is kind of funny... yesterday I was woken by one of my guests while I was in the middle of a dream about discussing writing with people and characters (some of which I didn't know but knew in the dream). I don't really remember much more about the dream, but I feel like it was my subconscious's way of reminding me to keep working on my writing when I haven't touched it in so long. Normally I don't remember my dreams and I don't recall ever dreaming about writing.

Do any of the other writers out there have dreams about writing when they haven't written in a while?

The Frosting on the Cake

Today, was someone's birthday at work and we had a very good chocolate cake. It was probably the best one they've bought at work. I give the credit to the frosting because I normally do not like the frosting on the cakes they purchase, but this frosting a rich, sugary chocolate which is one of my favorites and I think it really made the cake.

It reminded me of writing. Some things can be the icing on the cake and really make or break a piece of writing. In your opinion, what are some of these things?

1st Place Long Narrative Poem

My poem "Rainy Afternoon" won first place in the big poetry contest for a long narrative poem. I hadn't expected to win because most of my writing is fantasy-related and the Arkansas Writers Conference tends to be a more conservative group. I am so excited!

Arkansas Writers Conference

I am halfway through the second and last day of the Arkansas Writers Conference. It is a small local writers conference and doesn't get many well-known speakers, but this is the 3rd year I have attended. It is the cheapest conference in my area; plus it is local and I do not have to purchase a hotel room to attend, so that also helps it fit in my budget, which helps out a lot.
I get different things out of the conference each year. It always helps refocus my mind on writing and writing goals. Sometimes I win something and that's always a big motivator. This year I haven't won anything, but the conference has a different feel to it for me this year- in a good way.

Normally, I am the quiet person who doesn't talk with many people; and yes that is still true, but aside from an absolutely awesome session by children's author, Darcy Pattison, I think the best thing I have gotten from this conference is the networking. Now, I consider myself a very open person and will answer most questions people have for me and chat happily or happily listen to talkers; but I never know what to say on my end and don't volunteer information about myself because I never think to do it, so I seem pretty antisocial to most people who don't know me because they ask a question, I give an answer. End of conversation.

But this year I have felt different. Maybe it is because there have been several people who wanted to recruit writers for their group and/or make friends with other writers, but I have felt significantly more social and more welcome this year than in previous years. It's hard to describe, but something feels different about all of it. Perhaps I am more confident because I have actually been writing a tiny bit this year. Or perhaps it is because I have been more social at work recently and social-ness begets more social-ness. I almost feel a bit like I did back in high school when I was in journalism and one of 4 people writing/designing/working on the school newspaper and the editor n' chief of the literary magazine. Perhaps it has something to do with life going relatively well recently and I feel more in control than I have in quite a while.

Whatever it is, I do feel more confident at the conference this year and have been more social there this year than in previous years. It is a nice feeling. And I really do enjoy being social. I just don't really know how to be social sometimes, even though I crave that social energy. What can I say; everyone likes attention and that's what being social at an event like this is all about.
I think I may know why I never heard back from the agent where I sent the text for my children's picture book about the puppies. Apparently the story was too long. It met the generic guidelines I found on the internet for story length, but Darcy Pattison's presentation told us that the length publishers like for picture books is even shorter; ideally 500 words. I have tried to write a story that short and it is very hard. All of my characters were flat and characterless.

Another good thing about this conference, also especially particular to Darcy Pattison's presentation, was the need for revision. I always knew the need for revision, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone explain it as well as Darcy. It was also very refreshing to be reminded that pretty much every writer out there has to do at least 4-5 revsions before they have a decent piece of writing. That was very refreshing to hear because sometimes we writers feel like we are in silos as we write and we forget that it's not just us. It makes me feel a whole lot better about the very bad stuff that I have written recently and that there is hope for it!

I still have the rest of the afternoon and evening of the conference, but I feel like I have really gotten a lot out of it so far...even though most of the speakers so far have talked more about their books and trying to sell us on their books than about the art of writing. I feel it has been a really good confernce.